Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
