oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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