Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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