toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
