Got a toothbrush?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
