I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
