i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
