I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
