I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I deserve this hangover.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
