That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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