on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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