There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
