you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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