who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
