Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When are your genitals available?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
