Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
