Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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