It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
