im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
