Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Come see our sink grown plant.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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