this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
