ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
