dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
