After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
