Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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