WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
