In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
