took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
