And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
