How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
