1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
