ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
