Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
