The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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