If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
