he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
