Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
