That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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