I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
