jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
