I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
