please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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