it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
