New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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