girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
