I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
