I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
