We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
