You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
