Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
