Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You can't special order awesome
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
