Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
